I am listening to the music I have written over the years. It is so beautiful….I am so beautiful. It makes me really sad I have allowed so many peoples negative opinions penetrate that belief in myself over the years. To turn inward what should have been expressed and celebrated as beauty, talent, and love. I have let that be my excuse for a very long time. I have let the pain, the insecurity, the doubt…win.
I am not alone in this. I know and have seen so many who let their current lives, relationships, jobs, parents, and other people opinions rule them. Shame on these people. These black souls who take the light they see in others and suck it out like psychic vampires. Because THEY are dark. Because THEY are alone. Because THEY are sad. The souls who live in light allow the Dark ones among them, and in their lives out of sympathy and a want to help them, and what do they do? bleed them dry. A vampire is a vampire. They need another, depend on another as their life source. Do not be a vampire. Be your own life source.
I have waited. For years. For someone to make me feel good about myself. To validate my existence. To appreciate me. To see me. To look and me and say “ YES…You are good”. That is all I ever really wanted. A prince maybe…to rescue me. I am not the first to wait for the one. But no one is ever going to. So I am going to rescue myself. Be my own knight. Ride away from the castle and never look back.
Belief in myself did not come without a price. I need my suffering to be over. I need the wait…to be over.
Everyone gets to a point, they need to make a decision. They could either let their past pain, hurt and circumstances, win…or they could take back the reigns, change direction and laugh into the wind. So that is what I am going to do. I am leaving it all behind. I am forgiving everything. Its like learning to live again, or in my case…fly.
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