An Article on Gothic parenting.

“BE GOTH…..OR ELSE”


By: Dani Alienna


We are seeing a new era of the rebel. They dress in jeans and plain tee shirts. They go to school, do their homework and hang out with their friends. Their rooms are painted white and they stick to their summer reading lists. Nothing about them screams danger, beware, or run, They are children of Goths….
The first time I ever laid eyes on a “Goth” I was strangely enough at the beach. It was in Point Pleasant N.J. My family rented out a summer home there every year and it was there upon the boardwalk a group of Goth kids would hang about on a bench. Everyone was terrified of them. They stirred up mixed emotions in the passing sun-tanned wholesome families night after night. Fear, anger, hatred, lust. I was enthralled. I loved the reaction they were getting from those around them. I wanted to be just like them. I was 8.
Having had adopted the gothic lifestyle internally and externally for my entire adult life thus far, I can honestly say It has been a loving and rewarding experience that I have fully come to appreciate and respect. From the 8 year old on the beach, then staring star eyed and wondered, to the adult I am today, I have always had to defend, explain, and fight for my freedom to be such an extreme individual. I was taunted, punished, provoked, hit, criticized, ridiculed and very much an outcast my whole young adult life. I found comfort in my fellow Goths and discovered a world of those like me where I was accepted.
Today however, Goth has become a mostly acceptable form of fashion and culture. Books explain in detail to parents every aspect of clothing down to the Egyptian eyeliner patterns. Movies make the vampire a sex symbol to even the most common of mothers of the gothic teenager. It seems all is accepted and forgiven and the years before us spent in anguished misunderstanding have now paved the way for the next generation to freely stand in the dark.
This raises an all important question. What now will the future of the gothic generations bring? Very recently I have been seeing something about the streets of New York. It is something I never expected or thought much about before. Gothic Babies. Beautiful pale parents walking down the streets of the east village, black baby strollers afoot. Drabbed inside, pale as their parents and chubby, infants sucking on a fang pacifier. Their clothes are black, Their booties are lace. It can be an adorable site if one tends to favor this lifestyle.
Often The parents Decorate the child’s room with images of bats, snakes, and pumpkins. A lighter side of gothic parenting can be a mix of happy and Gothic images such as smiling cartoons, Gothic children or things one would find in the comic stores like pink bears with bloody claws. To an infant of two or three this can all be very charming and innocent.. It hurts no one if your three year old has a Mohawk or if your baby girl is walking around in black and white stripped stockings. But what happens when the child enters pre-school? Is it still appropriate to be sending Bela junior off to the playground with his little spiked boots and vinyl lunchbox?
Parents have been imposing the images of themselves on their children for as long as time. Parents have children, Those children then rebel and become known as misfits or delinquents. Now we are asking our children to BE the rebels, misfits, and delinquents. Is it fair of us as gothic parents to assume our children’s identity before they themselves can develop it on their own? Just as we were setting ourselves up to be picked on and taunted, are we are now setting THEM up in return to be picked on and taunted? The difference is; we were asking for it. They are not. It is one thing to do your own choosing, pick a certain identity and run with it. Then you may defend that identity proudly and know what your are getting yourself into. Know where the blows will lie when they hit you in your pierced cheek. All this is acceptable to you because it is your decision. This is who you are. Who you decided to be, and you are willing to fight for it. So why is this a decision we are making FOR our children? And if so…are we no better then the parents before who told US who to be and told US what to wear? Why now would we in turn tell our children what to wear, who to be? Dare we say to them “ Be Goth or else?” Isn’t the very foundation of Goth formed on the total and complete freedom of expression and creativity? In that case a child dressed in khakis and a polo shirt he picked out for himself is more GOTH then the ten year old in mourning wear because his parents told him to dress that way.
I firmly believe just as we longed to spread our youthful wings and fly away from our nest, so will the generation after us. To take away the choice of our children and force them to be “like us” would whole-heartily go against everything “GOTH” stands for. It is a decision every alternative parent will have to make not just the Goths. Whether you be a rocker, emo, cyber or punk, If you have children they will choose a path, and it will either be yours, or you should hope, their OWN.